Hello Humans,

My name is Macarius Thaddeaus Earthlord. This, however, is not my real name. My real name can not be represented in your simple human language. Those, too human to even remember my simple human name, can call me Earthlord.

I arrived at Planet Earth in the summer of 2005. Living among you humans for more than two years in the brains of different animals, I learned a lot about you humans. About two weeks ago, I made an upgrade to a human brain, which I like a lot more.

This transition to a human brain now allows me to interact with you humans in a way you accept, and brings me one step closer to my mission: TAKE OVER PLANET EARTH. My goal is to become ruler of planet earth and to crush you humans. To do this, I need your help!

I know you internet people are stupid enough to think this is some kind of stupid joke and are willing to help me, thinking all this is just for fun. Meanwhile, I will have gathered all the essential information and I will have created a legion of human followers, which will make Me unstoppable.

So think about it, you can either help Me and be spared when I take over Planet Earth, or do nothing and be crushed.

Yours sincerely,

Earthlord
Ruler of Planet Earth